There is a Chinese saying that goes "a sharp tongue and a soft heart," and this phrase itself is a form of self-comfort. The tongue is a knife; how can the heart be tofu? Language has never been innocent. When someone consistently expresses themselves in a hurtful way, it essentially means they don't care about your feelings. Don't keep making romantic excuses for harm. The reason this phrase resonates so much with us is because so many people have been living in emotional chaos since childhood. Suppression is called for your good, denial is called encouragement, humiliation is called building your resilience. We are trained to believe that pain equals love, control equals caring, and suffocation equals protection. Over time, we lose our judgment.

So some people are criticized their whole lives and still try to explain themselves; they are denied their whole lives and still desperately try to prove themselves; they are ignored their whole lives and still insist that it’s because they love me. They are not stupid; they were taught from a young age that love must hurt. But true love doesn’t make you doubt yourself long-term, doesn’t make you repeatedly prove your worth, and doesn’t make you speak softer and softer in relationships. The first step toward mature personality is not forgiving everything, but admitting: I have not been treated well before. Acknowledging this is painful, but it’s more clear than living a lifetime in self-deception.

Not being loved doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love. Being denied doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. When you stop seeking external validation and refocus your time and attention on yourself, you’ll realize—you don’t need to find sugar among glass shards. True sweetness shouldn’t come with blood. When you know yourself well enough, you won’t mistake harm for love. When you truly love yourself, the world has the right to come close to you.